Kung Hei Fat Choi: Not Just for Chinese



I almost did not notice that February had already arrived; I felt January just slip through my fingers. While I don't essentially believe in Chinese New Year, it has provided me with a good excuse to celebrate the start of MY NEW YEAR.

January made me experience two intense and contradicting emotions - utter happiness and extreme sadness. This has been my greatest heartbreak so far, probably because it's the one I've invested so much emotion in. What's wrong is I've given so much of myself in a relationship that I knew would never work out from the start. Needless to say, I've gained a lot of lessons from this experience and hopefully, all the hurt will make me a stronger and wiser person. But silently, I fervently hope that someday our paths would meet again, no longer as lovers, but as friends.

They say 'old habits die hard' and he had become a 'guilty habit' to me. I cannot think of any other way to hasten the 'moving on stage' but to constantly seek diversions in the form of traveling, shopping, meeting with friends and the like. I could go out and date if I really wanted to, but I can't help but be reminded of him in every guy that I go out with. I see his face when I stare into another guy's face. I feel him holding my hand even if I'm holding another's. I utter his name even if I intended to say another guy's name. I've grown accustomed to spending my day with him and only him that I forgot that there were other people around me. I felt so lost and incomplete the day we parted ways. Then I realized there was really something wrong - I had lost so much of myself already.

I guess it helps that he deleted me from his friends in Facebook and YM, otherwise we would only go back to square 1 (again and again). And while I know that moving on in my dictionary is synonymous to years, that doesn't stop me from trying to rid him from my system. I'll treat each day as a challenge and an opportunity to live my life without him, though it's so hard especially since I instantly think about him the minute I open my eyes in the morning.

I still pray and believe that all this waiting, that all this pain, that at the end of it all there is a person that would make me realize that everything is so worth it.

And so it is with today, February 3, 2011 that I OFFICIALLY START MY NEW YEAR and I shall start it with good vibes and positivity!

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